There are so many opportunities in life.
There are so many ways, to change your life, right here, right now.
Then, why I am stuck here, and feel so disconnected, from evrybody and evrything?
I don't want to blame anyone, or anything, but..I blame my city! Then I blame my country. Then I blame the people living in it. Finally, I blame evrything!
I try to make connections around the city. Try to improve my social status, by miting new people, visiting new evenets, making the best of the opportunity of meating people. Then, why I feel so disconnected, from all this stuff and want just to GET THE **** out of here?
I answer my question, just now. Because I don't believe in my city, in my country, in the people living in Bg. That's right. THat is my answer to the question, why I am stuck here, feeling that I am doing almost nothing and have nobody to express it.
I don't believe in the opportunities, given here. I don't believe in the people, saying that I have future here. I don't believe anything HERE.
Now is the question, why I feel that way. Why I believe that, here, in my city, in my country, I am so desperate and I wont feel that way, in other country, other places.
Because in other countrys, I see motivation of doing stuff, that I believe in. I see progress. I see opportunities in front of my eyes. Not covered with so much dust or obstacles. I see it, so clear and close to me! I feel, like believing in people. Making connection with them.
For 3 months, I spent with my parents in UAE, I meet so much great and awesome people, that I will remember them for a long time. A real long time. I saw so many opportunities, just before my eyes, that here, in my city, in my country, will become avalable, maybe after 20 or 30 years.
I saw the opportunity to believe in life! I don't know greater then that opportunity, ever.
Now, when I am still stuck here, I look and look, for opportunities, for trilling life, abroad. I am willing to join some foreign army, go work like a volunteer on some mission, selling in small shop, in some island..whatever it is, JUST to be out of HERE! I don't think I can take, the hole that is opening inside me, standing here, on one place.
I am doing in the moment some extracurricular things, but I don't feel they are enough. I have to take up to 20 workshops, to fill less disconnected from things around me..and start to believe that something actually is happening around me. OR...just to find a open door and run outside, to some other country, seeking new opportunities, and meeting people, that are beliving in change.
I can't stand Hs(Haskovo), Me, the current situation.
Please, give me a fly ticket far away, and I promise, I will become a believer.
Just not here..where time is lost, before you wake up. Where people are more cold, than an ice. Where I don't feel the urge to survive and develope.
Past me the ticket and you are going to see, a Huge smile.
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Wow, while reading this post in a moment I forgot that somebody else wrote it because it is exactly how I felt year and a half ago in BG. I found out I am accepted in a US college in February 07 and I left August 07 and these months were the hardest for me because I couldn't wait any longer to get out of there. When I came here it took me a while to see all these opportunities I have dreamed about so much back home, but once I found them I knew all hardships were worth it. I wish you to find the place you dream about and I am sure you will. You could ask Lyd what a disbeliever I was several years ago and how now I know everything is possible, as far as you really want it ;)
ОтговорИзтриванеThank you, for your post ;)
ОтговорИзтриванеI think that all people, on one point, a disbeliver to the core of there soul.
But it come a time for a change.
My change, will come soon, I think so.